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… And I look like Tom Cruise.

Today I set out to find the cheapest cell phone that uses pretty-paid cards.

Not a tough thing, you’d think. After all, Seoul is one of the most wired cities in the world.

It all started when I met these two cute high school girls on the corner of a street which I was told would have prepaid handu-porns, or hand phones, more commonly known as cell phones.

I found nothing but these girls. I walked up to them and asked where I can get a pre-paid cell phone. I swear they thought I was Partick Swayze or something. Giggling in their flip-flops (nice) they explained in perfect English that I need to go to Kim’s Club.

Now, in Canada, we have a place called Sam’s Club, so when I heard about Kim’s Club, I was laughing pretty hard.

Anyway, a cheap cab ride later, I was at Kim’s Club. Now, this Kim guy seems to have a LOT more friends than ol’ Sam back home. This place was HUGE.

I went directly to the information desk and asked for a hand phone. Again I was met with giggles and wide eyes. They called this nice guy named Kim to come help me. Apparently he is their English specialist.

Kim and I went upstairs to talk to the girl at the SK Tel booth. A pretty lady in her mid-to-late-20’s showed very little interest in my plight until I shanked out my iPhone. Then, I was a different story.

“Ohh!! iPorn! So good!”

But they didn’t have prepaid phones. The minimum contract was 2 years. We left.

Then, Kim and I went underground. Literally. We went into a subway station the size of the Skydome to look for this place that started with a T. This BEAUTIFUL girl in her early 30s came to help us. My god. She was wearing a short skirt and top. Her clothes bore the logo of the phone company she worked for. I barely kept my composure.

As Kim rattled on about my situation to another lady, I walked up to this pretty woman and showed her my iPhone. Again, it was snatched from my hand and closely examined, like any art fanatic would a Picasso. As she slid her fingers over the soft curves of my electronic phallus, my mind began to wander… but that’s another post in itself.

Again, no plepayhanduporn.

So again we walked through this gargantuan complex, until I told my new friend Kim that it was okay, I would just find one another day. On the walk back to Kim’s Club, he told me about how he loves basketball, and how he plays a few nights a week. He was really enthusiastic about it. He also told me that I look like Tom Cruise, and that I’m very handsome. As long as I don’t act like Tom Cruise, I’m ok with that.

So, I decided that since I was in this gigantic department store, and that the prices were reasonable, I would find some stuff for my apartment. I picked up bathroom cleaning supplies, some grapes, some cereal, some chopsticks and a few other things. I’d like to show you all something that absolutely blew my mind:

Those of you who aren’t familiar with the Korean monetary system, 5000 won is about $5 Canadian. That’s right. Those are individually packed apples, for $5 each.

I didn’t buy one.

Once I had a big box full of groceries, including 6 absolutely massive bottles of water, I headed outside, praying to Allah that the tape wouldn’t give out at the bottom of the box. But it turned out that the tape wasn’t going to be my biggest problem. I had to catch a cab. It was like there were absolutely no free cabs, anywhere. This one cab driver drove up, dropped someone off, and said he was finished for the day and drove off, but I’m pretty sure I saw his light go back on. Maybe he just doesn’t like “Americans”.

Speaking of prejudice, someone yelled something out of a bus to me, something in Korean, but all I could understand was “$#@$F%TGFDSF AMERICAAAAAAA”. Fools. I should wear a Canadian shirt around town I guess.

And that was my Kim’s Club adventure. Moar to come.

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2 Comments

  1. when i lived in spain the little bit of hate i got was much more generalized (i guess to make sure it hit its target every time)

    they would call me ‘ingles’ and sneer (english speaker)

    or they would say that hated norte americanos (north americans)

    so they would not have exculded you!

  2. I will say this Mike. Wear your Maple Leaf. And don’t let anyone dare call you down. Canada was in the Korean War defending South Korea!!

    Royal Canadian Air Force No. 426 Squadron
    and the Royal Canadian Navy stood on guard for Korea!
    Never forget!


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